“If someone was in a bad marriage,” a young lady in her twenties asks, “…what are some reasons why they would stay? If they have nothing in common; fight constantly; and the marriage has been dead for years why keep it going? He will go out drinking with his buddies just to get away from her. She will wall her feelings up from him in fear of his hurting her again. Also, they have no children together. Why stay?”
“I can almost guarantee you, ” I would reply to her, “… most marriages that bathe in constant verbal and physical bouts THINK a marriage like this one is how marriages work. For them…THIS IS LOVE! They believe this is as happy as they will ever be.
“The basis for their beliefs are the adult influences they primarily recieved in their youth ab0ut how love and life are suppose to work. Such experiences have led them to believe they are clueless about how real love works and that is how a marriage should remain.
And, the reason for their being no children in some of the marriages is also easy to answer.
“As a child they were no doubt told they were worthless. As a young teen they may have been told they were a burden. True expressions of love on an truly intimate level require one to open the heart for an honest life to fill it. BUT, the door for these two is locked with no known key to open it up to know real love. It’s a sad life….a dishonest life…an abusive life.
“So, to avoid any of the hassle of children…They simply avoid the creation of them and remain self-absorbed in their own rejection filled past and pain, which by the way…..they say they hate…BUT, they love re-creating moments where more of it becomes available….It’s a sad manner of orgasm.
I raised this question about marriage on this blog about spiritual intimacy because the relationship, the friendship, the marriage people THINK they have with God the Father, Son, or even The Holy Spirit is one that should equally be filled with arguements, blame, guilt, sadness, pain and shame. For many who call their Self religious and spiritual people, pain, suffering, feeling worthless, and lacking in personal strength is all of what makes up the life of a Christian. They repeat the constant drumbeat, the mantra “We’re sinners….encapable of sustaining a life of loving well.” And, so they don’t!
You would think if they were experiencing unhappy moments, they would choose to figure out how life could be lived better. BUT, they do not….this IS how they believe God intended for a person to experience love. They have learned well how to apply the “sinful and painful” happiness that would define “a personal relationship with God.”
Ultimately, I believe, every person will come to realize there “has got to be a better way to live their life.” The couple above too eventually, in a small way or large moment, will come to ask the same of their lives being lived within their relationship. If they are genuinely seeking the answer, the answer sits waiting for them to experience it. It may simply rest in the meaning of one word….STOP!
All too often we THINK we have to become like Jesus to truly enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling life. Little do we realize, the same God that created Jesus created us as well. We simply have not allowed our Self to recognize how truly close our life is to “the Father.” Jesus, apparently, took the time to understand, appreciate, and ultimately love the spiritually intimate world The Father was providing Him. Jesus embraces and claims as his own the synergy of the Father being in Him and He being one with the Father.
Jim Carrey in a very special moment on Oprah expressed this awarenss very simply by declaring “I am Heaven!” when asked about his belief system. His response stuns Oprah. Her face seem to be saying, “Is this another actor thinking himself a god, an ego maniac?” The answer Carrey would offer is clear. It is no different than Jesus having claimed his spiritual intimacy with The Father by stating “I am One with the Father….and He is One with Me!” Jim elaborated, as Jesus might have, saying that “….heaven should not be a place try to get to, or wait for. On the contrary we should cultivate heaven within our hearts and lives daily.” This is “the kingdom come thy will be done on Earth as it is IN heaven.” Jesus may have refered.
So, if you believe your Self to be in a bad marriage or in a bad set of beliefs you THINK involve The Father, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit..you are NOT to blame for all the ill that befalls you. You simply had been introduced early in your life to a set of beliefs that involved such outcomes….Simply choose to learn what it means to STOP! Start taking the time to appreciate the giftedness you possess to pull your Self up off the mat of your disappointment and begin to walk in the direction of Love’s pure light…..Jesus and The Holy Spirit.
You are loved…and loved…RIGHT NOW!
