Right Now….Am I Happy?
“After studying the practice of mindfulness in my spirituality and mysticism class,” Jennifer Langione writes in the Huffington Post “Spirit” section, ”I put down the article I was reading on the top 10 industries hiring recent graduates; I asked myself, am I happy right now? Am I taking advantage of my education, the relationships I have fostered over the past four years and the freedom of being an adult without all the “real” responsibilities?”
Several years ago, I would join midstream the army of writers who would create the blogosphere right here on WordPress. Blogging was well underway by the time I would join the frey. Everyday I would try my best to write something I believed significant. But, the fervor, the passion, and the substance of my thoughts seemingly ran dry. In the end, I began to realize I was writing to gain an audience of readers; writing to sensationalize my thoughts to the point of irrelevancy. Other than the “get-a-life” spammers tapping into the blogg there would be no audience.
Today, after a long hiatus away from adding any entries, I choose to begin anew, inspired by the young woman writer quoted above, by pondering my happiness. Am I happy right now? Am I taking advantage of the full width and breadth of the intellience and beauty of the talent gifted to me? If not….why not? When I first began writing this blog I had no idea for whom I was writing, I simply wrote entries a if I were speaking to the wall. I demoted my thoughts to a point of paralysis; losing touch with any reasoning for why I should continue much further any entries. So, I ventured out beyond this diary-like world of WordPress to find an audience.
Over the last couple of years, as my wife would say, I have been pretending to be “Dear Abbey,” on an social networking site (Answerology) answering questions. Questions dealing with intimacy within a relationship, spiritual intimacy, and politics, are categories with whom I felt more comfortable answering. Ultimately, the questions I would choose to answer would recieve some tenet of my version or vision for how I have come to discover life works. Doing this inturn would fulfill my need for padding my own comfort zone. I even think there was a time when I would write how some persons would visit Answerology to simply feel good about answering somebody elses problems, but, ignoring or not attending to their own unanswered issues. While I never really paid much attention to Answerology’s rating system….it was nice to get a STAR……
As strange as it may be for me to write, I am happy right now! I will always, whether I like it or not, BE happy. Most of the persons with whom I meet during the day all feel my well-balanced approach and/or centered qualities do tend to affect them.
Even though I may be happy, I tend to drift away from my happiness to experience all things related to what discord, distraction, and disappointment provides. I tend to lose a sense of becoming more mindful of my present needs for the more uneasy feelings or outcomes of anything related to what delaying the enormous blessing of what could be a promising future. Right NOW….I am happy. I am not happy with my lack of mindfulness; my willingness to prove to my Self that I should deserve less than that to which I have been destined from the very beginning of Life.
I THINK I do these things for a particular set of reasons. All of which, I am sure play a significant part of what as become my verson or vision for how I THINK love and life is suppose to work. I do fear the thoughts of others when it comes to hearing what I would have to offer. My childhood memories and experiences of rejection and the related pain of feeling less somehow still affect the decisions I am making now….Even as I experience life in this fifty-five year old body.
For what it is worth for you to read….and for me to write……Right NOW….I am happy!
